Slayed

There is something called a Samurai sword. And I think God just used it on me. I feel as if I have been neatly sliced into pieces and left to melt into a puddle upon the floor. Ironically enough, I'm thrilled by it.


A strange thing has occurred in my life these past few days . . . I'm actually changing. I feel new in a way I haven't felt in several years. Basically what happened was this:


There was a young woman, who was raised with the knowledge of Christ and what He had done for her. She chose to believe Him and trust Him at a very young age. She continued to love Him more each passing day. Then one day (a very long time ago) she heard another voice.


This one told her that she had rights, she WAS right, and deserved to be heard. She listened (every so slightly) and her tender hard began to turn. Soon, she believed she was good (her first mistake) and that she knew about life (her second). As the age-old deceiver began, he wooed her with desires for perfection and rightness, clouding her eyes to believe it was in honor of Jesus. She gained knowledge, through the years, about the One she longed to please. The more she knew the more she put in place, neatly in a row along with her other trophies. (Rusted as they were). Ah, the dream was a brilliant life for her Savior, she knew how to please Him after all . . . or so she thought.


Slowly the thought of her greatness crept in, crawling it's way across the floor. She did not recognize it, no; it was cloaked in disapproval, judgment, rightness, truth, and knowledge. As the years flew her soul forgot what wretchedness was. In her mind she knew she was corrupt, but her heart no longer remembered. She forgot her deeper need of a Savior. Throughout it all she continued to live in conviction, repentance and forgiveness in many ways and many areas. But, there was a hindrance. . lurking in the dark.


A mild agitation and lack of satisfaction began to plague her. She was unsettled, ungrateful and distant. What was hiding? She asked . . .again and again and again. What is wrong with me? Why is this hard, why am I inconsistent? Her plea was endless, her foe was near. Drawing closer and closer, it had gained the courage to stand.


Judgment turned to disrespect . . .disrespect into dishonor. After all, she knew better, SHE had seen better . . .or had she? Following was difficult, obedience an uphill climb. Why this quiet rebellion inside? Why do I shout against, grate and offend? Why? WHY! . . .no answer was found. Or perhaps, she did not want to find it. She was haunted by her inability. She must control, contain and obey . . .what made it so hard?


Increasingly her life grew frail, hanging by a slender thread. Everything she could do and be was not as it should have been. She increased her efforts, she must win, she could do it, and she knew she could. Failure came time and time again. She came to Christ, standing, asking to be changed. He knew the solution, she had no doubt. Her knowledge confirmed His power. Did she trust Him in her soul? Her mind led her to believe that He was the victorious One. Yet, her heart could not confess His reign.


Freedom was no longer a desire, it was a dream. Believing it was a dream kept her from receiving it. She did not know the beast that clutched her. Only she was blind to the darkness seeping to the corners of her eyes. She saw others with blackened stares, little knowing; she had the darkest of them all.


She came to the end, pleading, begging, crying and empty. Lifting her head she resolved to believe Christ to be faithful. Desperately she clung to His name . . .Savior. She trusted Him to bring light upon her unhealthy keeper. She did not know it meant she must be slayed.


The result was a sweet awareness and painful death combined. She loathed the monster hidden within. Once seen, it sickened her, how could she have ignored it for so long? She ached for the destruction she had reaped . . .but hoped in the redemption Jesus claimed. Freedom would be a narrow road, full of snares and diverse paths, but she was joyful! Oh how HE loved her! Sweet Son of true life! How Jesus freed her, and let her rejoice!


The beginning.


This was an unintelligible tale of how Jesus just showed me how my life was filled with a mountain of pride and selfishness. He was gracious to show me and I am broken and grateful. I have lived despicably in so many ways. I am amazed that He chose to have grace even in the midst of my slander.
Thank YOU, Jesus, for a renewal of my eyes and fresh hope for the future!


Becca

The Inevitable Crossroads

Okay, so why in the world do we have to have stress in our lives? I mean is it really that necessary? For me, stress is usually defined as a forced decision. I can't seem to walk through life with out making them (although I avoid them like the plague). It's unfortunate really. There are some decisions that I have made my mind up about before the situation ever presents itself. And then, there are others, which, try as I might, I cannot come to a logical, emotional or spiritual solution. This is ridiculous really. I mean, why the stress?
So, what is my usual conclusion and resolution in times like these? Run. Run away like a coward and a punk head. Running or perhaps a better word is avoiding. If I ignore it, it will disappear correct? If I let weeks go by without thinking or feeling, it should just disapate. . .right?
Well, I suppose that is what happens usually, but then I have made my choice then haven't I? I've chosen against, even though I was trying not to. The only problem is that I walk away having not increased my confrontational skills in the slightest. Tsk. .tsk. . .
Wow, I just did an amazing job of talking about something with out really talking about it. hmph. I guess the answer must be no.

The end.

Scattered Thoughts

Wrinkled, worn and weary, still wearing a smile.
Youth and joy and laughter, hidden in his eyes.

Hmm. . .that's all. I can't think anymore. So much of writing is inspiration and emotion for me. If I stretch past that point, it's gone, theres nothing else. There are times when I can't even write intelligible sentences, because I have no inspiration. Pathetic, I know. Oh, well.

Today was a good day. My friends took me out for my birthday. God has blessed me with such awesome friends. I love each and every one of them. They are fun and interesting and wonderful girls. I think it's important to have a "family" of friends around you, who understand your walk in life. We don't always have that, but for the times that we do, it's a wonderful gift.

It's funny that sometimes I have the expectation of things in life that I "deserve". Jesus has to tap me on the shoulder and remind me, that I deserve nothing. The gift is everything, anything. Wow, it takes so little time for me to become ungrateful. I'm amazed He still loves me. I love that He does.

Crazy, all that is precious to me about an old man thrilled with life, is just a reflection of His' character. Everything wonderful is.

So I say thank you, and good night.