Everything is Normal

Somehow as children we build a certain amount of magic into our lives. As long as we remain a child, Christmas is enchanting, taking a trip to the zoo is a safari, and if you press the button on the wall you will instantly receive whatever you wish. Princesses are mysteriously happy and Princes have no fears.

This same mentality runs along the path toward marriage. Dreams swirl around the idea of engagement and married life is bliss. And although all other things lose their haze, for girls marriage clings tightly to it, until they are wed.

I have never really had dreams about my wedding day. I always thought it was silly to dwell on something so obscure. I sat in dorm rooms for years with girls who surrounded themselves with bridal magazines and had pre-made "folders". As if the trends would stay the same ten years later, when they actually walked the aisle. Craziness. For these girls, the haze remains. .and it's thick. . until one day when reality sets in.

I am here to say that getting engaged and getting married are normal. They are part of a continued pattern of life. They do not stray in color or design. When you are in the moment of engagement you are still wearing your old jeans, and thinking thoughts that are just you. You don't magically become this alter-ego, as some might suggest.

When you get married you will move into marriage with your same rubber-bands, picture frames, paper-work etc. . .that is currently in your bedroom. You don't magically change everything.

Although it is WONDERFUL and amazing to "know" and be loved and have that sweet security, there is not and untraceable haziness. It is all quite natural.

When it's time to get engaged it just feels like the next step. You will feel totally comfortable being yourself with your future spouse and know that they love you no matter what. Not so much gush-gooey feelings, more deep trust, enjoyment and commitment to each other. You realize that they meet your needs and you meet theirs, and even if that doesn't work, you are committed to love them anyway.

It is incredible, but far more tangible than everyone tells you.

It's kind of like graduation. When you graduate from college, especially, you build it up in your head with expectations of the way it will feel. When you are actually there you don't feel any different. You are still you, thinking you thoughts. And the magic seems to fade into reality. A good reality. .none-the-less.

That's it, I just wanted to muse about the strangeness of life for a moment.

You see, I am currently engaged and marrying Ragan on September 22nd.

-be

Where.

Okay, so I need answers, soon.
It is a temptation to aggravate my soul.
I desire chiefly to live in anguish,
But, if I remain thus occupied I will soon perish.

Hence, I must either begin to believe He is who He says He is
OR
Choose to relinquish my life to a lie. A very false lie.

God, please answer my queries. Or give me peace.

Silent Now

He is silent now
I dreamed of an easy answer
A simple truth quickly told

But, He is silent now
Simply silent now
I never realized how
This silence could labor long
He is silent now
Simply silent now

How I crave Him, just a whisper in the dark
The darkness continues climbing
Climbing my thin, short walls

If He would answer, just a sweet, small breath
Nothing too invested, nothing great, just enough

Speak to me, oh please sing your dreams
I desire, your desire, so why do you hide?

But, He is silent now
Simply silent now
I never realized how
This silence could labor long
He is silent now
Simply silent now

Oh, how I long
How I simply long


-be

love

The fear of love lost
What a mystery
How is it that we cling,
When we are never promised continuity?

To be certain is to dream
What of reality?

There is truth in the pain
Elusive love, can never be contained

Why fight the battle already lost?
If there is no evidence
Is it really worth the cost?

Raise your fist and moan
Cry out loudly, alone
Weep of a hope never promised in return

Do not mourn a love made of scorn.

How we push and prod the unbudded flower
Why must we struggle against mother nature?

Leave her be
To woo on her own
Do not force and crumple the rose

Why must the heart turn to dust?
Why must the ache thus remain?

How to let loose this sigh I've evoked
And silence the in coming strain

I am succumb to this beating pulse
I cannnot refuse it's throbbing

My poor, pathetic hopeless soul
Now feels of it's death and rotting

I wrote a song. . .

Girls need roses,
And girls need cards,
Girls need candy,
And open hearts,

Lots of chocolate
And kisses too,
And rooms full of flowers
From me, too you!

In light of my sister being swept off her feet today by her loving husband who bought her flowers. Precious. He has no idea how many brownie points he just scored with her.

Yay for sweet romantic moments. And yay for a great brother-in-law!

Narnia or Nineveh?

Movies have a powerful effect. I am amazed, that not once but TWICE the TRUTH has been represented, clearly, on screen. First Passion, now Narnia. He is giving us masterpieces to drape our conversations around. I am determined not to allow the opportunity to draw parallels slip by.

Perhaps when C.S. Lewis wrote "Narnia", he intended it to be a conversation piece. How incredible that God would gift Lewis with such skill, that the world would observe it. They took note and today a powerful tool has been placed in our hands. The gospel is displayed, we have merely to clarify it to those around us. Lewis wrapped the package, but intentionally left the bow for us to tie. We are the connection to the personal/relational world. One by one.

Who will you give the gift to this Christmas?
This is a serious question. . .have you considered why we have the opportunity once a year to make a big deal of His' birth?

Have your thoughts been consumed with yourself and your Christmas. . .or the person nearby, who watches "Narnia" with a blind eye to the glorious light behind it?

Take time to consider your days this Christmas. . .are they well spent?

Kaleidoscope

Fascinating, colorful, spontaneous light.
As a child I am intrigued, one turn heightens the red and sends the blue to the outside.
Only moments and the strange blob becomes a flower. . .Amazing.
Dark turns to light, beautiful blend transcends to angry circles.
It becomes an addiction, the patterns are endless.

And such am I.
Tumultuous, emotional possibilities.
A twist and I am soft,
A new angle, I am wistful.
A half turn, pensive
A swivel, woebegone.

Misfortune for me, affliction to companions.

Oh the devious state of a woman's soul. That wretched, slithering creature of demise.


-BE

Fantastic Fall

gingerbread coffee tea cider pumpkin pie cranberry apple
smoking chimney red brick fireplaces wood maple syrup
gloves bright, hopeful scarves Laughter football Red
Orange love deep yellows cold noses crunchy leaves
brittle branches fluffy sweaters blankets warmth
brown family music. .melodies Sunsets

Aaaaaahhh. . .take a crispy, lung-gasping breath with me.

Fall.

yeah.

Mary's song

(this is different than my Xanga, so please keep reading)
Maybe the cause is the chill in the air, or the leaf that my boot so happily crunched today, whatever the reason, my heart has been dwelling on the coming of Christ. I've been thinking about it a lot, and today I was thinking about Mary. This isn't a Christmas thing, this is a bible thing. Why we feel it has to wait for December befuddles me.

Feel the moment with me. . .

Mary is overwhelmed, confused and tired. She has been startled by an Angel and trembles in fear. The only logical thing she can fathom doing is going away to her Cousin's home in Hebron (*possibly). After all, she is birthing the Messiah, what more significant place than the land given to Abraham, the seat of Isaac, Jacob, and the first crown of David. Still, but weeks into pregnancy she travels many miles to reach Elisabeth. Having many days to reflect, she begins to fear that this is all her imagination. Is she going crazy? Is this really the Savior in her womb?. . .Exhausted, she arrives.

Mary enters the home dust covered, weary. . .and afraid. Elizabeth (*who is but six weeks pregnant) feels a jolt in her womb. She has felt stirrings before, but never a leap such as this. (*the Greek word is the same as the word used to describe Jacob and Esau struggling in Rebecca's womb, and the mountains skipping). Filled with the Holy Spirit, she rejoices with her cousin. (She could have chosen to be jealous with the honor given Mary, the younger, but she chooses joy) Her response paves the way for her son who will defer and honor Christ. She is a servant even then.

Mary is relieved, she did not need to tell Elizabeth, God told her. . another affirmation of the truth to her weary mind and body. Suddenly she remembers what is growing silently inside her, she forgets all sore and aching muscles, and filled with the Spirit, she bursts forth in song:

And Mary said: "My soul exalts the Lord, (Luke 1:46)

And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. (Luke 1:47)

"For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave; For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed. (Luke 1:48)

"For the Mighty One has done great things for me; And holy is His name. (Luke 1:49)

"AND HIS MERCY IS UPON GENERATION AFTER GENERATION TOWARD THOSE WHO FEAR HIM. (Luke 1:50)

"He has done mighty deeds with His arm; He has scattered those who were proud in the thoughts of their heart. (Luke 1:51)

"He has brought down rulers from their thrones, And has exalted those who were humble. (Luke 1:52)

"HE HAS FILLED THE HUNGRY WITH GOOD THINGS; And sent away the rich empty-handed. (Luke 1:53)

"He has given help to Israel His servant, In remembrance of His mercy, (Luke 1:54)

As He spoke to our fathers, To Abraham and his descendants forever." (Luke 1:55)

Suddenly she realizes, her babe will offer hope to all generations to come (Luke 1:50-55). . .a Savior worthy of praise.

Rejoice.

-be

Obsolete

Forget about the pre-post. It exists to demonstrate that I am over-the-top analytical slash dramatic equals insane. I have this ridiculous tendency to get dramatic about something when I dwell on it for too long. This expresses itself in my writing, speaking, art, singing. . .you name it. I am WAY to expressive for my own good sometimes.
Oh, well. . .I suppose that's just me,
I think I need to learn how to place all of that under Christ though.
All too often I take it out and try to control it on my own.

Slap my wrist please. . .

Thanks.

Where I sit. . .

Envision this:


Dangling from this:


And there you have it. . .the state of my life currently.

Lord.

I can't remain here. I must move on. Show me, speak.
Please, reveal it all.
I desire nothing uncovered, completely bare.

You know. . .everything.
YOU know. . .each struggle, each heart ache.
YOU KNOW.

Let me trust You in that. Please, curb my heart.
Turn it toward Your rays.

I Can't remain here. I MUST not.
Speak, Oh Holy One. Your word is silent, bring forth it's voice.

There is a hidden depth You are trying to teach me.
Can it shadow much longer?

You know. . .my needs.
YOU know. . . my sins, all darkness.
YOU KNOW.

Please, please show me YOUR grace. I have none alone.

Oh, Silent One. . .BREATH.

Tragic

A small bud began to grow, thrilled to respond to sun. It's only ambition was beauty and pleasure for all who would look. Feeling it's need, full color blushed into place, it's arms began to stretch out in joy. Fragrance began to fill the air, life was good.

A small bud began to grow, an icy chill swirled at it's feet. There was no admiration, all sweetness, stripped away by the wind. The joy was replaced with a grip of fear, finally death.
The small hope was only momentary. . .vanquished by the Winters scorn.


It's been a putrid day, I thought it was over, but it's not.

I just "know".

What does it mean to know? "I just know". What is that? There is some mysterious secret lurking there. Somehow "knowing" evades anything tangible, and hides from all things clear. Vague, and yet strong sense of. . .what? Next time someone says, "you just know" to me. . I think I'm going to cite:

know P Pronunciation Key (n)
v. knew, (n, ny) known, (nn) know·ing, knows
v. tr.
To perceive directly; grasp in the mind with clarity or certainty.
To regard as true beyond doubt: I know she won't fail.
To have a practical understanding of, as through experience; be skilled in: knows how to cook.
To have fixed in the mind: knows her Latin verbs.

After which I will pull from behind a very large creme pie and insert it directly into thier starry-eyes and open mouth.

Huff. The end.

My Chinny chin. . .chinning?

Chinning is amazing! I have newly been introduced to this fabulous adventure and it is changing my life. (Now I sound like a weightloss commercial) Anyway, along with revelation of the event, there is a new clarity about a childhood favorite: "The Three Little Pigs".

Some believe this simple book is solely concerning a heaving wolf and victorious piglets. I say no, no. . .there is much more. Deceptively so, the authors have implanted a hidden meaning, unseen to the unknowledgeable eye.

Yes my friends, "The Three Little Pigs" is about Chinning. It masquerades as a harmless fairytale while it coats our imaginations with mirades of chinning truths. It blatantly cloaks it's theme, leaving small clues such as: "my chinny chin, chin. ." Readers are left to uncover the meaning and marvel at the creative genius of the authors.

I am left breathless and speechless in light of this realization. The world is not like I once knew it to be. I am aware that as your grow older your perceptions change, but this is unbelievable. Surprising hidden meanings must be everywhere. What's next? Could Cinderella truly be about ashes? Was Chicken Little written in light of the Revolutionary War? I have tasted the Turkish Delight, and can never return.

The pot must be black at the end of the rainbow. Good-night.

I love. . .

Warm gingerbread lattes

Blueberry cake donuts

Riding horses bareback

Laughter that bruises my ribcage

Dreaming magnificent dreams

Peanut butter on anything

The beauty of blue

Swing dancing

Jazz Music

Unusual flowers

Rain, soft blanket and great novel-combined

A all-encompassing embrace

Eyes that smile

Roller coasters

Intelligent conversations

Adventure

-be

Encroach Upon A Roach

Dare I encroach upon a roach?
Those devious little devils who steal my joy.

Dare I ruin their revelry upon my counter space?

Dare I haunt them as they so happily have haunted me?

How I relish the thought.
Oh, fanciful delight found in the invasion of their abode.

I swiftly do it, unseen and unknown.
All stealth and softness I enclose them in their never-ending tomb.

Shall I frighten them? Oh, yes.
Woo them to fear? Quite so.

I slide into places they do not see. In wonder, they ponder my existence.
When all curiosity has ceased, I arrive, swift and un-announced, carrying my diseases with me.

Shall I show mercy? Can I extend grace?
The crispy creatures, now drenched in arsenic, shall writhe in dreadful anguish.

Oh, is this harsh? Far too cruel, you say?
Now tell me . . .when did they last encroach upon you?


-becca

kitty

kitty
Originally uploaded by crazycurlycat.

See, this is what I'm talking about! Precious.

Why Everyone Should Love Cuddly-Wuddly Kitties

a. Kittens feel like a down comforter that you just removed from the dryer (ie. .warm and fluffy)

b. Kitty's have eyes that remind you of a newborn babe and a rocket scientist all in one (ie. .intelligent and adorable)

c. Kitty-cats have that irresistable curiousity that none can refrain from watching. (ie. . entertaining)

d. Cat-babies contain a fabulous quality described as purring. (ie. . soft sound that makes them super cuddly)

e. The furry friends are selective in thier affection therefore you feel particularly loved when they choose you. (ie. .brilliant love, as opposed to dogs who have no deeper sense of love)

f. You can talk with a cat and they comprehend exactly what you are saying, they respond with a look that says,"I know what you mean" (ie. .both psychiatrists and analysts)

g. Cuddly

h. Cute

i. Cozy

j. Crafty

k. Creative

Okay, that's the end. I'm tired now. In conclusion, love kittens. .thier worth it.

Cinderella

"Dreams come and fade, swiftly and sweetly
Hope on a wing and the 'morrow looks misty
Soft dance, fairytale romance
Twirling, spinning, never ending, stardust in the air.

Maybe tomorrow I'll wake in the real world,
But for this evening, . . .I'll be a princess."


-be