Coffee Crisis

Gee, I'm glad I love coffee so much. And I really love the fact that I spilled it in my computer bag, therefore short-circuiting my previously wonderful charger, warping into unrecognizable shapes my precious work check, and sending my earphones on a trip to the trashcan. Boy that was fun. A fun day, very fun.

After that wonderful interlude into my day, I have had a fairly calming evening. Unusual, I know. Those of you who know me well realize this is a rarity. Sitting alone for a brief moment is sometimes heaven. There is no inward noise, simply to obnoxious singing of the street and perhaps an occasional low droning from the apartment below.

Nice.

His Foot-Fall

Twisted, narrow, skinny road


One direction my heart to hold


A fate unclear, a path unmarked


Under this perception do I embark




Unsightly, rocky, hidden path


Necessary use of a sturdy staff


Unpredicted findings, undiscovered ways


Yet boldly I venture within the haze




Tiny, blurry, far-lost print


A hope amidst confused torment


Now strengthened traveler, new lighted eye


If the choice is Guidance, I will not go awry




Becca

Slayed

There is something called a Samurai sword. And I think God just used it on me. I feel as if I have been neatly sliced into pieces and left to melt into a puddle upon the floor. Ironically enough, I'm thrilled by it.


A strange thing has occurred in my life these past few days . . . I'm actually changing. I feel new in a way I haven't felt in several years. Basically what happened was this:


There was a young woman, who was raised with the knowledge of Christ and what He had done for her. She chose to believe Him and trust Him at a very young age. She continued to love Him more each passing day. Then one day (a very long time ago) she heard another voice.


This one told her that she had rights, she WAS right, and deserved to be heard. She listened (every so slightly) and her tender hard began to turn. Soon, she believed she was good (her first mistake) and that she knew about life (her second). As the age-old deceiver began, he wooed her with desires for perfection and rightness, clouding her eyes to believe it was in honor of Jesus. She gained knowledge, through the years, about the One she longed to please. The more she knew the more she put in place, neatly in a row along with her other trophies. (Rusted as they were). Ah, the dream was a brilliant life for her Savior, she knew how to please Him after all . . . or so she thought.


Slowly the thought of her greatness crept in, crawling it's way across the floor. She did not recognize it, no; it was cloaked in disapproval, judgment, rightness, truth, and knowledge. As the years flew her soul forgot what wretchedness was. In her mind she knew she was corrupt, but her heart no longer remembered. She forgot her deeper need of a Savior. Throughout it all she continued to live in conviction, repentance and forgiveness in many ways and many areas. But, there was a hindrance. . lurking in the dark.


A mild agitation and lack of satisfaction began to plague her. She was unsettled, ungrateful and distant. What was hiding? She asked . . .again and again and again. What is wrong with me? Why is this hard, why am I inconsistent? Her plea was endless, her foe was near. Drawing closer and closer, it had gained the courage to stand.


Judgment turned to disrespect . . .disrespect into dishonor. After all, she knew better, SHE had seen better . . .or had she? Following was difficult, obedience an uphill climb. Why this quiet rebellion inside? Why do I shout against, grate and offend? Why? WHY! . . .no answer was found. Or perhaps, she did not want to find it. She was haunted by her inability. She must control, contain and obey . . .what made it so hard?


Increasingly her life grew frail, hanging by a slender thread. Everything she could do and be was not as it should have been. She increased her efforts, she must win, she could do it, and she knew she could. Failure came time and time again. She came to Christ, standing, asking to be changed. He knew the solution, she had no doubt. Her knowledge confirmed His power. Did she trust Him in her soul? Her mind led her to believe that He was the victorious One. Yet, her heart could not confess His reign.


Freedom was no longer a desire, it was a dream. Believing it was a dream kept her from receiving it. She did not know the beast that clutched her. Only she was blind to the darkness seeping to the corners of her eyes. She saw others with blackened stares, little knowing; she had the darkest of them all.


She came to the end, pleading, begging, crying and empty. Lifting her head she resolved to believe Christ to be faithful. Desperately she clung to His name . . .Savior. She trusted Him to bring light upon her unhealthy keeper. She did not know it meant she must be slayed.


The result was a sweet awareness and painful death combined. She loathed the monster hidden within. Once seen, it sickened her, how could she have ignored it for so long? She ached for the destruction she had reaped . . .but hoped in the redemption Jesus claimed. Freedom would be a narrow road, full of snares and diverse paths, but she was joyful! Oh how HE loved her! Sweet Son of true life! How Jesus freed her, and let her rejoice!


The beginning.


This was an unintelligible tale of how Jesus just showed me how my life was filled with a mountain of pride and selfishness. He was gracious to show me and I am broken and grateful. I have lived despicably in so many ways. I am amazed that He chose to have grace even in the midst of my slander.
Thank YOU, Jesus, for a renewal of my eyes and fresh hope for the future!


Becca

The Inevitable Crossroads

Okay, so why in the world do we have to have stress in our lives? I mean is it really that necessary? For me, stress is usually defined as a forced decision. I can't seem to walk through life with out making them (although I avoid them like the plague). It's unfortunate really. There are some decisions that I have made my mind up about before the situation ever presents itself. And then, there are others, which, try as I might, I cannot come to a logical, emotional or spiritual solution. This is ridiculous really. I mean, why the stress?
So, what is my usual conclusion and resolution in times like these? Run. Run away like a coward and a punk head. Running or perhaps a better word is avoiding. If I ignore it, it will disappear correct? If I let weeks go by without thinking or feeling, it should just disapate. . .right?
Well, I suppose that is what happens usually, but then I have made my choice then haven't I? I've chosen against, even though I was trying not to. The only problem is that I walk away having not increased my confrontational skills in the slightest. Tsk. .tsk. . .
Wow, I just did an amazing job of talking about something with out really talking about it. hmph. I guess the answer must be no.

The end.

Scattered Thoughts

Wrinkled, worn and weary, still wearing a smile.
Youth and joy and laughter, hidden in his eyes.

Hmm. . .that's all. I can't think anymore. So much of writing is inspiration and emotion for me. If I stretch past that point, it's gone, theres nothing else. There are times when I can't even write intelligible sentences, because I have no inspiration. Pathetic, I know. Oh, well.

Today was a good day. My friends took me out for my birthday. God has blessed me with such awesome friends. I love each and every one of them. They are fun and interesting and wonderful girls. I think it's important to have a "family" of friends around you, who understand your walk in life. We don't always have that, but for the times that we do, it's a wonderful gift.

It's funny that sometimes I have the expectation of things in life that I "deserve". Jesus has to tap me on the shoulder and remind me, that I deserve nothing. The gift is everything, anything. Wow, it takes so little time for me to become ungrateful. I'm amazed He still loves me. I love that He does.

Crazy, all that is precious to me about an old man thrilled with life, is just a reflection of His' character. Everything wonderful is.

So I say thank you, and good night.

"Estranged"

Walking slowly through the corridor she came.
The lonesome heroine bearing the flame.
Not one to fear or flee,
She was bent on her purpose, her destiny.

A battle raged, a mighty war
A test of will and strength to endure,
She knew her plight, her coerced end
By lighting the candle, her heart would she rend.

Twixt and twain it would ride
A cursed spirit unable to hide,
Displaying itself for each to see,
Unfettered affection, searching for Thee.

-Becca

Leaks, sinks, and everyday freaks

Once upon a time there were two young women, who moved into an apartment. They spent endless hours decorating, cleaning and re-dressing the space in order to make it there own. They were happy there, for a time . . . and then it began.

A roach here, a roach there, little creatures everywhere.
Roaches, water-bugs (same thing) and spiders began to surface. Displaying their ugly antenna’s around corners and under cushions. So, the two rather girly-girls grasped their cell phones and yelped for the Orrick man. After a few toxic squirts the problem was solved. Life back to normal . . . or so they thought.

A quiet nesting from within.
Ever so soft, it began. Scratch, scratch. .shuffle, scurry. .scratch. Lying, in bed one fated night, one of the fair maidens realizes she is not alone. Something is moving, chewing and pulling on the inside of her walls. The noise begins in the far corner, makes a hurried jaunt through the wall and ends up behind her head. Oh, the misery, there will be no sleep tonight. After, an ill attempt at ignoring the creatures she once again retrieves her cell and makes the call. The rats must go. After a long awaited visit, silence reigns once more. .yet peace will not prevail.

The ever irksome leakage.
After the beginning of a rather normal autumn, the people in the village are surprised as the weather takes a devious turn. Pouring forth from the sky, rain. rain never ceasing rain. The torrents increase and exist for weeks on end. At the onset of this luckless weather, our females find themselves with a peculiar problem. The rain (an outdoor affecter) has made its way inside. Seeping from the ceiling in several inconvenient locations it destroys furniture, happiness and rest. Be assured the telephones were ringing that day. Two weeks of sofa sleepage for one of our unfortunate heroines is the reward. The appearance of the sun brings the roofers and her salvation...or so she thought.

The ever irksome leakage no.2
Weeks pass with not but minor problems, then one day lightening slices through foreboding clouds. The rains begin...again. Our mystic maidens are not alarmed, for their roof is assuredly sound. Correct? Traipsing off to work that day, their cares are left behind. Arrival home, mid-afternoon, robs them of their bliss. The cursed lady no.1 enters her abode of rest to find blood-tinted liquid oozing through her rather porous ceiling. Drizzling down it found its way to her bed linens, spooling them from future usage. In righteous anger she makes her way to the house of management. The ever-apologetic care-takers assure her of immediate change. She goes home, satisfied that muck and mire are behind her. . .an incorrect assumption.

THE EVER ERKSOME LEAKAGE NO.3
One more week on the sofa and our lass has found her way back to her bedroom. Sad, but true, it is a short visit. Yet, a mere two weeks hence the heavenlies pour forth once more, inside and out. The final straw has been broken as the amber tint covers a favorite lamp shade. In wild abandonment she carries the soiled accessory and storms to the office. She is greeted by yet another new manager whom she quickly informs of her plight. Apologies are made, facts realized and action taken. The damage has already been done, for in the week of respite from the leak another evil ran amuck.

Drip, Drip, Drop.
Ah, yes, there is a rumor of tactics employed by the Chinese of ancient times to torment their offenders. It was as simple as. .a dripping faucet. Oh, but how this can grate and offend when it is present in your own home. Unhappily, it is the most recent trial of the woman of woe. A bathroom faucet, begins with a slight, inconsistent drip and becomes a rushing river that cannot be silenced. Try as she might the Fated one cannot put an end to the steaming waterfall. Calling for assistance they inform her that, four more nights on the couch will secure her a new sink and the finality of the persistent trickle.

Does peace reign? Will her troubles have finally reached their apex? Will rest become her friend once again?

There is no answer to these queries, simply hope.

A very small taste. . .

Silence. . . 11,500 voices. . . in silence.

Then slowly, from one corner of the crescent shaped room a voice is heard singing. . .softly, sweetly.

"I love you Lord and I lift my voice, to worship You. ."

5 voices singing. . ."oh, my soul, rejoice. . "
50 voices join in. . "take joy my King. . ."
200, 500, 3,000 voices. . ."in what You hear. ."

By this time the song has crept halfway around the arena. .gentle, unaccompanied voices. .

6,000, 8,000. . "may it be a sweet, sweet sound. . "
10,000, 11,500. . "in Your ear."

And then it begins again, in full force, all 11,500 voices joined in one emotion exaltation to our King.

"I love You Lord. .".

I share a memory of a sweet moment in the presence of the Lord, with thousands. The precious intimacy with Jesus at that moment was indescribable. Worship was propelled by the Holy Spirit, and we all received a little taste of Heaven.

Where was I? Passion Conference 1999. I can't describe it. I can't put a container around what the power of Christ does in an environment like that. All I can say is, amazing, life changing. . .Don't miss out.
Passion'05 is in Nashville, TN this year. If you get a chance you should go. If you are older than 26 or so, then go as a leader or a volunteer. If your interested check out the web site:

One more question...were you there in '99? And if so, do you remember that moment?

Unpleasant

Some days you just feel unpleasant. Your not sick, your not emotionally disturbed, just. .unpleasant. Its that kind of blah feeling that inhabits humid, somewhat rainy days. Discouraged yet? Hold on I'm working on it.
Hmm. . . what else accompanies this fine day? Well, usually there is something discouraging to dwell on. Perhaps, your friend is not doing well or you are tired of putting up with something or someone or maybe you didn't do as well as you wanted to on that test . you. .took, wait a sec, this is sounding a little too familiar. Uh, anyway. . . those items are usually included in the mix. And yet another element might perhaps be that physically, exhausted is the only correct, descriptive word. Yeah. . unpleasant.
So, what is the solution to this miserable mayhem? I believe it is found in my title, Everyday Embraced. I do believe that if I choose to take my terrible,no-good, very bad day to Him, He will dispose of it nicely. Everything I feel or experience that is yuck goes back to either a fleshly sinful response on my part or something I am not trusting Christ to take care of. That does not mean that days are not going to be difficult, but that "in the midst of" Christ is there, present and embraceable.
Today, I need to take Him up on that. Hmm. . .I think I will.

Book Review: "Girl Meets God"

If you will notice to your right there is a book entitled, "Girl Meets God" under my currently reading section. One of my book-loving friends suggested this to me and I read it this summer (Yes, I know, that's means I am not currently reading it, so?). I was quite impressed. Lauren F. Winner is an excellent and authentic writer. This book is her story.
She begins the book at a time when she lacked a relationship with God. She was caught up in Jewish religious practices, when some events in her life catapulted her on a journey to uncover the truth about Christ and life's purpose.
This book is an excellent, and honest portrayal of the discovery of Jesus. She very intimately reveals her personal struggles and difficulties with accepting Christ. Winner, allows you to see through fresh eyes some of the rites and functions of the church. Things like, Advent, Lent and Confession which were begun with good intentions toward God and have since strayed, are seen in a beautiful and enlightening way. There is no "religion" in this book. She is simply a girl in her walk toward understanding God. Everything is viewed through the perspective of, "what does this show me about God".
The book is refreshing and genuine and just all around a good read. I recommend it to those wanting a fresh picture of what God has done in our lives or to those who want to understand better the unbelievers journey home.

Enjoy

The Ever-Reluctant One

Motivation...hmmm, that's a fun word. Unfortunately it is something I greatly lack today. I have been studying for my Mid-term exam for about, oh. . 5 hours and I had to take a break! My brain is dead, that's all I've got.

Welcome home!

I have arrived. I am officially partnered with the bloggers universe. This is a new and inspiring relationship for me. I can't wait to see what will become of this bit o' cyber space. Stay tuned, I will try my best to keep you intrigued.